James’ Poor Brain

Well, I’m off to Greece for a bit.

Rest assured I will miss everyone (espcially you) but will return soon for, you guessed it, FUN AND FROLICKING.

Bye for now,

James xxx

The incessant fist-flailing that goes on at the back of my bus has given me a brilliant idea: Chav Arena.

Lets ignore the blatant human rights infringement for a while and imagine it. Two chavs, fuelled by a combination of booze, drugs, hyperactivity and stupidity, are sent int the ring to the applause of thousands of fans. Then, for no apparent reason (in fact, they might even be best friends) they start beating the shit out of each other. The winner is decided by someone of non-chav authority (ooooh, lets say, Felix) who makes either an approving or disapproving motion with his thumb, ala Julius Caeser.

The winner, filled with triumph, is treated to a few seconds of confetti (a year 7’s history book) before both he and the loser are taken into the back and shot. This makes who wins the fight irrelevant, but at least we can get some cheap entertainment before the ethnic cleansing begins.

This idea has two main positives: 1, it would be an excellent outlet for these moronic youths to vent their pointless, attention-seeking brand of violence, cutting crime and reforming younf offenders, and 2, all the chavs die. I fail to see how this hinders society.

Its not all arena-based battling, though. Other events on the day include Celebrity Chav Squares where chavs are corralled into a room and those that resemble celebrities are sniped in the head, like that bit in Dawn of the Dead. There is also Chav chugging (a drinking contest- first person to suffer liver failure wins) and Chavs In A Blender (like Snakes on a Plane, but without the snakes. Or the plane. Or anything else not relating to the mass liquidation of chavs). 

At the risk of sounding tasteless, tactless or just plain ignorant, I’d like to express my opnion that Germany should be bombed to smithereens.

Also, Austria, Switzerland, Poland and any other german speaking countries.

The reason for this is not to start a war (can you imagine me in a war?), but rather because if there were no german-speaking countries in the world, the language would not be taught in schools and I might have less of a desire to run around with a baseball bat, puree-ing anyone who actually has the immeasurable intellect to actually remember this stuff.

Was it something I said? Come back, the tumbleweeds are scaring me!

EDIT: Ooh, this reminds me, I heard it costs around £500 to rent a tumbleweed. £500. For a ball of twigs.

Indeed, as a “busser” (think mini-waiter) at Pizza Hut.

I’m very excited for 3 main reasons:

1- Decent money, ie. not what you’d get paid in a Vietnamese sweatshop making footballs

2- Free pizza/unlimited Diet Coke

3- I can finally tell the Evening AdVertiser people where they can stick their “Distribution Agent” job. I won’t really. I’ll be nice, hmph.

*well, in about 3 weeks, but still….

giant evil teddies, lolz

Well, we didn’t win BOTB, but with the wealth of impressively talented swindon bands that were they’re I’m not really surprised.

But playing was fun, as was the majority of the other acts. My pedal was being very gay, which was annoying, but people clapped. Pictures were being taken and should be up on www.swindonweb.com at some point. I’ll post them here when they do. Highlights of the evening include a metal version of that song from the lion king about (In The Jungle?), a cover of Agitated by Muse and Rag Doll Girl’s entire set. On a side note, I met Haze and he was a thoroughly nice bloke.

The sudeen improvement that took place between Tuesday and Wednesday in our general performance was huge. Things sounded better; much, much less mistakes were made; the quality of stage presence shot up; if we played like we did last night on Tuesday, we might have had a fighting chance. It was a shame the support band were a bit crappy.

But screw them! :D 

I haveyet another ulcer. I’m like a walking advert for the damn things.

But I have Bonjela (not teething gel either, the proper kind) so its all adequate.

For Abbi’s party, I’m going as this guy:

(hes in CSI Miami, btw). Basically, I’m going to wear sunglasses, then take them on and off all the time for no reason, cross and uncross my arms a lot, stand sideways to people I’m talking to and talk…like this…all…the time. In other words, I will annoy everyone to the point of getting sent home.

It’ll be one hell of a party!

I’m in PSHE.

But I’m blogging.

Lol.