I found a really cool blog the other day that had those little box-type bits that had little quotes from the post in them but I can’t find it any more and its SO FRIKKIN FRUSTRATING!!!!
But at least my nine-hour shift at work is over.
Wow. I haven’t had ne of these in years. Mmmmmm, delicious. Nice and thick, but smooth as well. Not like all these pussy yoghurts you see these days with Bifidus Digestivum or whatever.
I seem to remember the ones that came in solid plastic containers that could be washed out and turned into BUILDING BLOCKS! How cool is that?!
Well, it was cool when I was 9 anyway.
The car horn on the Green Flag motor insurance advert is in the key of G.
Interesting stuff.
I’m very angry today, blog-wise. Meh. I’m smiling in real life, cos I find writing this fun.
Anyway, my myspace bulletin board is currently being pummelled by some rubbish about six e-miles long which basically contains a million pictures of army-type blokes. Above each picture is some shit about how I have a shower and how HE, the GODLY YET UNSUNG SUPERHERO IN CAMO GEAR, LETS ALL WORSHIP HIM, doesn’t. Strangely the exact same bulletin plaqued me a few months ago, and for some reason it’s popped up again.
Oh! I’m so sorry! How dare I have a shower when this guy is in Iraq! Obviously I should have stopped bathing back in 2003. Here some other feeble attempts to make me feel guilty about not living in poverty…
You complain of a “headache”, and call in sick.
He gets shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.
Except I’ve never missed a shift at work. And what do mean by “headache”? Do they not exist? Am I supposed to put up with it because some guy thousands of miles away wandered into a warzone? Me not being shot at won’t stop people shooting at him.
You put on your anti war/don’t support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends.
He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.
a) I have no such shirt. I wouldn’t even think of buying such a shirt. Ergo, no-one is fighting for my right to wear ANY shirt. b) That’s funny, I don’t remember George Bush making a speech about how Saddam Hussein is trying to stop James Archer wearing a shirt. Nothing about WMDs, then? Or (whisper it) oil?
You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.
He holds his letter close and smells his love’s perfume.
Wow, this one actually works! Because a soldier smelt a letter, I’ve decided I’m never going to hug, kiss or have any contact with my girlfriend that shows any kind of affection. It just wouldn’t be fair on him. Cough.
BOLLOCKS. There is not a single soldier in Irag, Afganistan or anywhere else in the world that was forced to go there. Back in WW2 people have been forced to sign up, but that doesn’t happen anymore. People choose to join the army. Surely they couldn’t have expected to not do any service whatsoever? Having to be away from their loved ones and not have hot and cold running water is part of the job, and whilst I commend them for putting up with it, I can hardly muster up sympathy if they knew it was coming. I doubt the person who made this bulletin has actually been in the army - if they had, they would understand that there’s just now way around the downsides, and no good could come from bitching at people at home on myspace. Uhh, YOU’RE AT HOME ON MYSPACE TOO, ASSWIPE.
But, for all this, its the last paragraph that really gets me.
If you support your troops, the click “reply to poster” copy all the codes, and repost the bulliten.
If you don’t support your troops well, then don’t re-post. You won’t die in 7 days, your love life won’t be affected, and you won’t have the worst day ever. You don’t have to repost. It’s not like you know the men and women that are dying to preserve your rights.
At least they didn’t threaten me with death by Salmon rape. But emotionally blackmailing me to repost a bulletin? That’s low. At least the salmon rape people are joking.
How is this bulletin supposed to help “my” troops? They won’t read it. This bulletin won’t bring them home where they belong. How dare you suggest its my fault, by having rights, that the war is happening?! The chances of my rights being infringed by the penniless AK47-wielding thugs that make up the general oppostion in foreign theatres are slim to none. Maybe if they had large nukes? Oh wait, they don’t. And, since that was the entire point of the war in the first place, there is NO POINT of them being there. So not only are they not fighting for MY rights, but they have very little point being there in the first place. So no, I don’t support our troops, Mr Myspace Bulletin. I don’t want them to get shot; far from it. I want them to be safe. I sure as hell won’t feel guilty because they’re not.
I was in the shower today and suddenly thought “Hey, I REALLY hate Richard Dawkins”. As you do. But seriously, few people I’ve never met piss me off as much as this guy.
He has an arrogance level that even Maddox would find a bit excessive. What kind of twat spends years of his life dedicated to preaching about how other people are wrong and he is right? Is he not aware of the phrase “Live and let live”? Apparently not. It’s hard to have principles when your head is so far up your own arse you can see out of your mouth, I suppose.
Which makes it even harder to swallow his crackpot ideals. Eradicating religion altogether? Making everyone have the same beliefs and generally just like you? Hmm, I have the strangest feeling I’ve heard that somewhere else. Why is it that when people like Abu Hamza act all “People different to me suck” he’s (rightly) extradited, but when Dawkins does the same thing in his books, “He’s a genius! Why SHOULD we respect the opinions of these religious morons?” Ummm, because if you don’t then you’re a dick? Way to incite racial hatred, asshole. Or should I say racist.
Sigh. Maybe I’d be able to cut him some slack if he actually got the point every now and then. Case in point: The Dawkins Delusion. In a letter to the The Times, Dawkins said that the book’s author, Alister McGrath, “has now published two books with my name in the title” and wondered whether the professor was building a career by “riding on his back”.
The hell? Did he forget to read the book? Evidently so, or else he would have had a little more to say than this. Want some ideas, Richard? Why don’t you try countering McGrath’s theories, which actually matter, rather than moaning about how he writes books with your name in? You crybaby.
But that’s not all, folks! Ever seen the episode of South Park he was in? Rather than using his beloved science and logic to dismiss his less-than-flattering portrayal, he simply complained about how “they could at least have got an actor that could draw a proper British accent.”
But here’s the clincher. Ever heard any stories of how Catholic priests molest their young church-goers? Nasty stuff. Dawkins had this to say on the matter:
“Odious as the physical abuse of children by priests undoubtedly is, I suspect that it may do them less lasting damage than the mental abuse of bringing them up Catholic in the first place.”
What. A. Dick. This is definately in my top five Stupidest Things I’ve Ever Heard. Was he ever molested as a child? Fuck no. What gives him the right to spout this shit?
Anyway, the aformentioned unfortunate series of events was also the subject of a song by a band called Billy Talent . The song, Devil In a Midnight Mass, was almost never released because of its controversial nature. See? Respect for other faiths, that is. Anyway, the bloke who wrote it, Ben Kowalewicz, said this:
“I’m a big advocate for children’s rights and this song looks at sexual abuse. It’s not against the church or anything, it’s more about that individual betrayal between adult and child. I don’t have the answers but hopefully if I sing about a certain issue it will get people talking about it.”
Whoops! Dawkins, a University-educated scientist, has been outdone by four self-confessed “lame” punk rockers from Canada. Not only do they have the common sense to actually tell which is worse - religion or child abuse - but they also tell their side with both grace and actual RESPECT for people other than themselves, something Dawkins doesn’t seem to know a whole lot about. Maybe I should convert to Billytalentism?
Sadly, I appear to be in a minority. Seeing as how pretty much all of my friends are atheists its hard to express my disgust for this man without having hos own dogma thrown back at me. Does the word ‘Agnostic’ mean nothing anymore? I DON’T CARE ABOUT BLOODY TEAPOTS. Dawkins can be Jewish for all I care. It doesn’t stop him from being a dick.
If you’ve read my post about Germany banning Tom cruise (see below) then you’ll know I harbour a dislike of the guy who plays Sean in Coronation Street. Well, according to BBC News, he’s getting his own talk show on ITV.
Oh dear. I can imagine it now.
Annoying berk: So, (insert C-list celebrity guest here), I see you have a new I’M SO GAY film coming out and I thought I’M SO GAY we could talk about it for a I’M SO GAY while.
Bemused guest: Uhhh…
Bloody hell. If he flames any more he’ll set the stage on fire.
