Yawn.
You’re probably (definately) aware of this program that starts tonight with Billie Piper in it, called Secret Diaries of a Call Girl. It’s on BBC3 or ITV2 or something else that isn’t good enogh for the proper channels, and, like most TV shows with this much hype (see Heroes), it’s likely to be shit.
It’s got Billie Piper, for god’s sake. No-one with teeth that can double as a runway for small aircraft could possibly come accross as sexy. Instantly, the show’s main draw - there’s sex in it, although probably still mostly-clothed and not so much as a handful of visible boob - is lost, except for frustrated 14-year-olds. Which was probably the target audience in the first place. So it can’t be that bad.
But anyway, it’s actually based on a blog, by shady prostitute-type ‘Belle de Jour’ (not her real name, becasue only cool people hide their identities on the internet). Since every newspaper, TV guide, magazine, website, billboard, terrestial TV channel advert break and banner attached to the back of a low-flying aeroplane has made this show the most important thing since a four-year-old girl nobody has ever met, I decided to read said blog.
Since this blog has been the Guardian’s Blog of the Year and has since spawned two books (well, with recognition like an award from the Guardian, people must have been breaking down her door for book deals), you’d expect some top-notch writing.
Bullshit. It’s not the worst blog I’ve ever read, but I fail to see how this would make good TV. Or good literature. Or a good blog. It’s the whole “Diary” thing I am know to despise, except with the words “cornflakes for breakfast” replaced with “cock”. Yawn. At one point she compares potential boyfriends, calling them “Bachelor Candidates” or something. Snore. Why am I reading an issure of Bliss magazine with more swearing? The Times said it was “witty and intelligent”. Choice quote:
“I’d rather be peed on than give a blowjob. Fact”
Wow. I wish I could write like that.
If you’re a 14-year-old boy, don’t expect any grot, either. Any reference to what is supposed to be her former job (because, as much as she says she enjoyed it and as much as she looks down on anyone who disagrees, she’d much rather live off her book deals after having spent months hunched over a computer) is limited to something about the conversation with a certain client prior to him telling her to “suck him”.
Is this supposed to be offensive or something? I’ve been more outraged over the price of cookies at secondary school. No, whilst she posseses the whole “Up yours” demeanor to her detractors, as if acting like she doesn’t care will shield her from criticism, this isn’t offensive or shocking. It’s something even worse: boring.
The only point where I though “Nuts to you, bitch” rather than “I’m hungry” was when she was reacting to the controversy surrounding the Billie Piper program:
“Unless you’re a sex worker or knows a sex worker intimately, you’ve got no. Fucking. Clue”
No shit? Whilst not all of us have the pride and integrity to take up a career in writing about who we sleep with, by your logic, only the Nazis are allowed to express their thoughts and opinions on fascism. Sex workers don’t own the opinion on sex working, just like Belle de Jour doesn’t own the opinion on immeasuarble dullness.
may i say, that in this blog and in fact all of your others you come across as an opinionated cunt,
with very few opinions
and very little intellect
I don’t know what makes you more stupid - the fact that you think someone without opinions can be opinionated, or that when you posted this, a small part of your mind thought that it would make me change my mind, retract anything negative I’ve ever said about anything and give up posting.
However, I’m quite a nice chap in person, so may I offer you a tissue, you cry-baby prick who hides behind the fact that you can post as ‘Anonymous’?
The person who wrote (1) is obviously telling you the truth. Your “opinions” aren’t even real opinions because they are not based on anything other than your own desire to express them, so they might as well be animal noises.
The difference is that Belle de Jour’s opinions are based on experience. A documentary on the sex industry would go to Belle de Jour for info and not to some mouthy kid with no credibility. On the matter of sex and fascism your “opinions” carry no weight whatsoever.
Since being too much of a cowering wuss to give me your name is the “in” thing at the moment, I’ll be calling you “Fat Crying Baby” for now. That cool with you? Okay, let’s begin.
It’s funny how you say my opinions aren’t “real”, since I did a few searches and couldn’t find a single source that defined what a “real” opinion is. Why do you think that is, Fat Crying Baby? Is it because an opinion is just an opinion, and so is neither real or fake unless completely made up for the hell of it?
As for the matter of experience, Fat Crying Baby, why do you think I write this shit in the first place? What I say or think doesn’t randomly come into existance, dumbass. It’s based on what I see, and I what find annoying. I’m aware the fact that not everything in life is done for an important, let alone specific reason might be shocking to you, but try not to pass out so you can finish reading this.
I am thankful, though, that you pointed out that I’m not the person to go to if you want a documentary on the sex industry (despite the fact that Belle de Jour has only been a part of a minute aspect of that industry. Very convinient that both you and her tend to forget about the drugs, violence and rape linked with the less glamourous side of it, eh?). I was expecting reporters breaking down my door to get me to comment on the current issue of human trafficking, although thanks to you, I know that this is not the case. From now on, I pledge to be just some guy who posts his thoughts on the internet* and never forcing anybody to read them, rather than foolishly acting as a walking prostitute encyclopedia. Thank you, oh wise and mighty Fat Crying Baby.
No weight? As opposed to the mountains of empirical evidence you’ve provided to back up this statement, Fat Crying Baby? I guess said lack of evidence is because what you’re saying is - wait for it - an opinion, rather than statement of fact. Much like the opinions of mine you’ve been whining about. Practice what you preach, or go away.
I’ll give you one thing: you’re slightly less of a boorish moron than the other guy. However, if your comment is anything to go by, you’re something even worse: a hypocrite.
Hehehhhe… you said sex.
I don’t think you could have missed the point more if you had tried. As for the definitions of what real opinions (as opposed to just attention seeking vitriol) are I suggest you look a little further than google if you really want a rigorous definition. But clearly you just enjoy pretending to be a far more stupid cunt than you actually are, so it would be completely pointless.
Here’s hoping you develop necrotizing fasciitis and your face falls into your dinner without you noticing,
Hypocritical Fat Cry Baby.
Dear person who wrote number 5: Yes. Yes I did.
Dear Hypocritical Fat Crying Baby: Nice addition on the name, by the way. Really helps the I-don’t-care-what-you-say thing you’ve got going on, despite having read my blog, went through the process of commenting it, checking back until I replied, commenting AGAIN, and are now sitting on your ass waiting for me to reply again. Anyway, nice job telling me I’ve missed the point (presumably since you don’t know how to reply to any of my actual points), and you’ve even managed to convey your point without even stating it in your comment, since I gave answers to pretty much every sentence you wrote, and STILL managed to ‘miss the point’. That’s incredible. How did you do that? Telepathy?
As for your disdain of Google (which I didn’t even use - Way to make yourself look stupid), it would help if you actually gave your definition of what an opinion is. It might help your argument if you gave something which disproved what I say. Or if you actually had an argument.
What next? Ah yes, “attention seeking vitriol”. What, attention seeking as in “Posting a comment, which both sends a message to my blog.com account telling me I have a comment, forcing me to click a link to either accept or deny a comment, whilst also sending me an email telling me someone has commented my blog?” I don’t recall sending you any messages or emails telling you to read anything. How is that “attention seeking”?
Here’s another one: would you rather read my blog, or one which is more concerned with which bar the writer went to last night, and is littered with smileys and the word ‘LOL’? The world needs ranting: it is both more entertaining to people who agree with said ranting, and even the ones who get upset over it get mild kicks out of telling people they’re wrong (or else they wouldn’t do it). Plus, most importantly, it’s a hell of a lot easier to write.
Sadly though, the smorgasboard of dumbass that is the bulk of your comment pales in comparison with two of your last statements. Firstly, you’ve caught on that I exaggerate my cuntishness (no shit, considering if I was always serious I’d be in prison for punching that guy’s head off back in the summer. Did you read that one? Thought not) – but if that’s the case, why are you getting so irritated by it? If what I write is pointless, how is your reply any less so? If someone pretended to punch you in the gut, would you punch them back for real? To quote South by Southwest, “You’re no fake – you’re a genuine idiot”.
Secondly – and this effectively negates anything you’ve said or intend to say later – you seem to hope I suffocate on my own food. Jesus, Fat Crying Baby, you may be a dolt but I don’t want you to die. Then who would amuse me with their misplaced Holier-Than-Thou whining? Anyway, because you’ve said something so monumentally stupid and vaguely sociopathic over something both of us admit has no real importance, you don’t get to post anything anymore. Nice one.
Idiot.