James’ Poor Brain

It was on just now, and it remeinded me how much I love the sight of a large group of blue spandex-clad soul choir bursting into an average british home singing “YAAAAAAAA YOU SAVE! YAAAAAAAA YOU SAVE!” in ear-splitting falsetto.

Maybe its not the most effective advert ever- I can’t actually remember what the advertised product is, but its funny all the same.

 To be honest, for pure visual panache I prefer the big billboard one to the ones on TV. Maybe you’ve seen them at that railway bridge/roundabout place near the outlet village. The ones witht the choir emerging from a couple’s seemingly bottomless fridge, or when they’re all stood on one of those little pump-things on a train track (you push a bar up and down to make the wheels move. Featured heavily in cartoons) riding alongside a train. The mere sight of them makes me giggle.

My, oh my.

It was a good gig. Minor feedback problems during souncheck were quickly solved, and some ‘fans’ from our last showing were there to cheer and get lyrics wrong. Good stuff.

 I certainly enjoyed myself, and this could probably be seen by the audience who were subjected to my slightly weird “power stance” and my Wolstenholme-esque headbanging, in which a bit of hair flew into my eye and nearly blinded me. But I’d do it again.

Yes, most good. But it will never be as good as Muse were….(sigh) 

Graphically, it sucks. Just a black background with “TORCHWOOD” in bloody Times New Roman (or something similar),dissappearing and then APPEARING IN A DIFFERENT PLACE! OMG RUSTY DAVIES IS A GENIUS ETC!

The them tune, however, does simplicity a lot better. It s also very catchy.

I’m sure at least one person noticed I was going “weeooweeooweeooweeooweeoo honk honk” all the way through BCS… 

ummm…

uhhh…

guh?…

Ooh! Overuse of the word “supermassive”?

It used to be sensationalist, dishonest and biased against EVERYTHING.

Now its just boring.

I think it was some rubbish film or something where some bloke (possibly a scientist) says “computers don’t make mistakes, people do”. This rant has nothing to do with computers, but the world would be a much better place without certain people.

You know the sort- people who will feed you a tiny appetiser of truth before shoving a big greasy lie down your throat. People who randomly shout “Harry Potter!” at you in the street because you have similar lengthed hair. People who will give you wrong directions so you will fall into an uncovered manhole for their amusement.

There are two ways to deal with these people- either ignore them, or… sorry, couldn’t resist. Ignoring annoying people never works, much to the denial of teachers and parents. Anyway, the best thing to do is, after they belch their malignant deviances into your face, say one of three things:

- “Thank you, kind sir. I shall do just that!”

- “You are indeed a gentleman. Let me shake your hand”.

- “But of course! You are absloutely right!”

After which, offer them your hand to shake. Usually too blinded by their own self-indulgance to decline, they shall take it. However, ensure you have one of those hand-buzzers attached to you, but set to “Kill” instead of “Buzz”. Fry that scourge on society. Watch his/her ashes fall to the ground like the cast-off from a slow burning cigarette, whilst shouting “Thank God almighty, we are free at last!!”

*Idea for this and parts of content inspired by the fine men of We Are Scientists. Thanks guys.

Yes, they sound exactly like Led Zeppelin, they have inexplicably sized hair and they have problems thinking of words that rhyme with other words, but….

There’s somewthing incredibly likeable about them. The potential for air guitar, for example.

FACT:I COULD have seen these guys at Reading, as well as Muse, but the rest of my family wanted to see Fall Out Boy. DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF INDEED.

Rating: 4 funky afros out of 5!

It works!

God, it hurt my neck. It really hurt my neck!

I blame the genius who had the bright idea of building the room with several of the seats facing out the window and not the whiteboard. If its the same people who are designing the new PE and Science rooms, I may have to schedule surgery in advance.

After all, I don’t want to end up like that girl from The Exorcist.