Feedback was mostly amused, although there was the odd “OMG your myspace has been hacked!!”.
If anyone I was directing the shots at read it, they either a) didn’t get the joke or b) they were offended but couldn’t think of anything to say because they know I’m so damn right.
Well, kind of.
As a little experiment, I’ve effectively “pimped” my personal Myspace page to lampoon everything I don’t like about myspace and a good fair few of its users. Its all there - pouting, sparkly banners, bad poetry - if its on my page, I think it sucks.
The real point of this is timing how long it takes for someone to actually notice and say “but James, I thought you hated Pete Wentz? (It is also a testament to my determination that I have even posted declarations of bisexual love for the fish-faced “bassist”.)
The worst that could happen? I receive friend requests from seemingly like-minded emo kids.
Tell me how much I suck at www.myspace.com/jamesarcheronline
I really can’t be arsed to read Harry Potter. Look how long it is! My phone book is thinner than that. Even Abbi would look tall if she stood on it.
Here’s the thing: it would porbably take me, quite a fast reader, several hours to finish - I went on Wikipedia earlier and found out the entire plot in a few minutes. Hey, I just saved £18.99 or whatever it s they’re holding little kids to ransom for it.
However, in the interests of a fair argument, I’m offering some ways to make it a little more digestible should it ever be re-printed:
- Get rid of any romantic subplots. This has the added benefit of not fuelling the bad fan fiction.
- Don’t acknowledge lame characters that have appeared in less than three books. Umbridge? Why is she in it? No-one likes her anyway.
- Delete the epilogue. IT. SUCKS.
- Change the cover art. Yes, I’m aware that this is irrelevant to the length of the book and that there is an “adult” cover available, but we should just have that one. Look at the regular cover. Look at Harry’s buck teeth and tell me you wouldn’t be ashamed to get that book out in public.
- Include the following phrases:
- “Lady you crazy!”
- “I’ve HAD IT with these muthafucking Snapes in this muthafucking castle”
- “What are you, emo? Emo boy. Go cut yourself”
“Yeah, well, you’re ginger. Ginger Nut!”
“Gasp!”
- “POW, BIATCH!!” (preferably said after someone kills someone else)
Man, I should write a book. I’d buy it.
Wow. I haven’t had ne of these in years. Mmmmmm, delicious. Nice and thick, but smooth as well. Not like all these pussy yoghurts you see these days with Bifidus Digestivum or whatever.
I seem to remember the ones that came in solid plastic containers that could be washed out and turned into BUILDING BLOCKS! How cool is that?!
Well, it was cool when I was 9 anyway.
The car horn on the Green Flag motor insurance advert is in the key of G.
Interesting stuff.
2) Oh look, ANOTHER “pluck a ridiculous special power out of thin air” moment to save the day, why do they keep doing that? Its like the writers say “whoops, I appear to have got the Doctor into a predicament again. Never mind, I’ll make something up”. You can’t turn 100 years younger, turn blue and start floating around the room just because people start shouting “DOCTOR!” The writers are morons.
3) Why turn Jack, who kicks all kind of arse, into some obese blue face who doens’t do anything?! And how can he forget everything that happened in the last 3 episodes? Does the BBC not watch the old episodes and make notes on the characters before they make up new episodes? The BBC are morons.
So, in conclusion, people in suits who create DW episodes = morons.
Saw this headline on MSN today and thought “Brilliant!”
Why? Because hopefully other countries will follow suit, only instead of Scientologists who are boffing Katie Holmes AND ARE NOT GAY!!!! HONEST!!!!!, other annoying pop culture figures.
Here are some examples:
ENGLAND BANS PETE WENTZ
ENGLAND BANS THE GUY WHO PLAYS SEAN IN CORONATION STREET
ENGLAND BANDS STEVEN SPIELBERG
And, instead of having a crazy-assed religion, the crimes that people are banned for include such things as being a big attention-seeking fish-faced sellout, acting exceedingly gay for no reason whatsoever except to annoy straight people, and making crappy films where everyone dies.
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
salazar slytherin
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
duhh
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” says:
who?
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
the dude who invented slytherin house
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
omg i just got that! slytherin…slithering…like a snake
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
wow
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” says:
well done. have a biscuit.
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
what type of biscuit?
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” says:
a cookie
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” sends:
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
yay:)
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
fankoo mr james
Transfer of “cookieforgeorgia.bmp” is complete.
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
wont let me open it ><
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” says:
well, just look at it then.
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” says:
GAZE UPON IT.
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
i shall
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
looks yummy
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” says:
i have a real one here. MMM, ITS SOOOO DELICIOUS *munch munch*
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
im not hungry, i just had
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
SUPERNOODLES!
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” says:
woop de doo.
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” says:
what flavour?
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
chicken
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
they diddnt have chow mein:(
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” says:
i prefer chicken. you can add a stock cube to make it extra chickenny.
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” says:
a little trick of mine.
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” says:
predicted B in food tech shining through…
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
oh yeah
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
you should write a cvook book
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
*cook
James - “Hey! Bros before Chos!” says:
I should.
Gee. Real Ninjas, are inflatable says:
‘the cooking of james’
And so on…
Check this out - a big, multi-purpose, all-knowing blog entry that covers almost all aspects of my recent life!
Muse at Wembley is only a month and a half away- this dawned on me whilst I was filling in my calender, and I nearly fell backwards with a double whammy of surprise and excitement. Bring it on.
Chemistry makes me feel like a fish, who has somehow flopped out of the water and is now gasping for non-existant breath on the riverbank. An autistic fish, in fact. Its the only exam I’m REALLy worried about.
We’ve had two applicants for the lead guitar position- one of them is good but can’t start until late June, and the other is pretty good and can start now but none of my friends like him.
Speaking of HCTR, SPREAD THE WORD - 12BAR, 3rd MAY. GO GO GO, TELL TELL TELL!
I’ve been listening to Billy Tallent II. Its good, but somewhat lacking in accessability. 8/10.
I have a new favourite advert - a footballer falls down, apparently faking some kind of collossal hernia, when a giant tank rolls onto the pitch and points it turret at him. Mr T pops out, calls hima fool and throws a Snickers bar at him. Genius.
Evidently, an Earth-like planet called Gliese 581 c has been found not too far from here.
I for one think this is extremely cool. Not so much for the possibility of life on other planets, but for the possiblity to explore.
A whole bloody planet, bigger than ours but still with the right conditions to maintain life. I’d certainly like to get on an easyRocket (well, they do hotels and pizzas now) and have a look around.
Best case secenario, its a beautiful, mystical world like at the beginning of the Sing for Absolution video without the buildings. Worst case, a featureless desert. Like at the end of the Sing For Absolution video, without Parliament.
